Ena - July 10th, 2012

Hi Ena girl! You're sleeping at the moment. (I think) Man, so much has happened in the last couple of months I'm not even sure where to start. Well, first, Adessa was born. It was an interesting transition. You stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for three or four nights (at that point, night and day doesn't really have much reference) and I kept wanting to get home so you could be in your own bed and your own space again. Adessa had some other plans. But you came to the hospital and we had the cutest family love fest ever.

You loved her right from the start. Our problem has never been jealousy and too this day I don't think you've ever expressed jealousy or anger towards her. It's almost been reigning in the love you've got and trying to keep you from squashing her! Even now, in the mornings when you see her for the first time you always say "Adeeeeesssa!!!" And run a give her a hug. (I'd rather have that problem.) Not to say it was perfectly smooth. Because of the close quarters of the Elgin house and your intense desire to love on your sister, all of a sudden it seemed like there was tons of "No, Ena." "Be quiet, Ena." "You can't, Ena." Can't swing the baby in the swing, Can't stomp around while the baby is sleeping, Can't go outside right now. Trust me, we were both frustrated and my heart broke for you because you were just being a kid. We went on as many walks as possible just so you could run around without me having to say no! Then something happened! Nana decided that we needed to move ASAP. So she decided to give Daddy a large chunk of what she had inherited from his grandmother Eris (your great grandma. She passed away while I was pregnant with you.) Someday I'll tell the story about how great-grandma's husband's kids stole all her money while she had dementia. The only thing that Nana got from her mother was the house, and she gave a large chunk of the money from that to us. Anyways, Dad decided that he was going to start looking at houses. He looked at several, and they were all nice but too small, or big but in terrible condition. Then he called me and said, "I found our house." Can I tell you this? I never saw the house before we put a bid on it. We won the house in days! it was crazy. Then someone put a bid on our house! Also crazy. That fell through. During all this, your Papa-Bob started getting worse. He couldn't remember much and started to hallucinate at night. I think Nana about ran herself into the ground trying to take care of him. He passed away about a month after Adessa was born. You and your sister were some of the last people he was really conscious for. I think he had been waiting to see you guys. After that, he fell asleep and didn't wake back up. I want you to know that he loved you very very very much. I think my favorite memory of him with you was when we went on a weekend vacation with Nana and Papa to Lake Geneva. We would do the continental breakfast with them every morning and you would sit next to Papa and he would slip you bits of donuts "secretly." You loved it. The funeral was a few days later. It's been weird to process Papa dying with you, because you definitely knew something was going on. Dad called me the morning that it happened and we turned off the TV for me to tell you that Papa had died. I asked you if you knew what that meant and you said, "He went to go live with Jesus." Yup, that about sums it up. We talked about how we would miss him and he wouldn't be here with us any more and that when people's bodies are old or sick, sometimes they stop working and die. There's not a lot that you're satisfied with right now. We've talked about death, God, how Jesus lives in our hearts, how can Papa be with God, how did Adessa get in my tummy and er...how babies come out, and you have so many questions that it's hard to not wind up in some left field philosophical discussion that's way over your head. Try explaining souls to a four year old. We've processed Papa's death together a lot as it comes up. Passing gravestones we talk about how Papa has one and it's to help us remember him, seeing Nana, but not Papa, and occasionally you just miss him. I get that. It also comes up in play or conversation, the whole death thing. Your dolls get sick and the other dolls "talk" about how she's going to die, or you've had a cold for the past two days and asked me today if you were old and going to die. However, you trust me when I say no, and it hasn't seemed to rattle you much, but you're definitely exploring the theme of it. We closed on the house soon after Papa's funeral. Then after ALL that change, Dad was gone fixing up our new house for us to live in and it was just you, me and Adessa for awhile. We boxed up stuff, people visited us, and Dad was in and out occasionally. Finally, it was moving day and we cleared out so Dad could move us. We went with Grandma and Grandpa and had a ball with them for five days so Dad and Nana could settle the house. (Lemme tell you, it was weird to let someone else move us. Also, I had only seen the house once for 20 minutes prior to us moving in.) Finally, we arrived! You took to your new room (and new freaking BED!) like a champ and have been overwhelmingly positive about the house the whole time. You can be loud downstairs while Dessa sleeps. You can run around in your new backyard. You have your own big room with all your toys in it and have done really well all over. You've also gotten more attached to your Daddy now that you've been able to be around him and see him every day. Not that it was bad before, but we had three days in the middle of the week where it was rare for you to see him, and then four days where he would be around a lot more. I'm actually a little nervous now for when he goes on the mission trip. I think it's going to affect you a lot more this time that it has ever before. Phew. I think we're caught up. You're out iceskating with Dad right now and we'll see how that goes :) Love you so much lady. I'm loving who you are and the games we play together. You're my joy. Love, Momma